Let’s talk, for a moment, like the armchair analysts we are, not like the Pulitzer prize winners we pretend to be. Let us ignore the precedents it would have set and the precedents already extant for it for a moment. Let us try to differentiate between de-politicizing a situation and dehumanizing it. Let us fade out the colored lines. Forget red, blue, green. Let us revert to black and white.

Let us all take a collective step back.

Exhale.

Let me recount an incident that happened a long time ago.

When I was thirteen, I got a room of my own for the first time. It was the high point of my existence until then. I was the master of my domain, the king of my castle.

The only thorn in my crown being the other occupant, my two-year-old brother.

Change is the Only Constant. Deal with it.

In retrospect, it shouldn’t have bothered me. How much space could a two-foot child take? I practically owned the place, as depicted by the posters of my idols adorning three-fourths of the room. The only exception being the corner occupied by my kid brother in his crib. For all practical purposes, he was a guest in my kingdom.

And yet, it rankled me.

I was fine as long as he stayed within the confines of his crib. But my mother, the astute policy maker that she had shown herself to be over the years, had given me the room with a proviso. The room was mine, provided I kept the other occupant satisfied.

In plain terms, the room was not mine by right; it was a trust made on an understanding with all of its occupants that I would not usurp their rights. All fine and dandy when they were just words that I excitedly kept nodding my head to.

Something had to give.

Resolve Your Problems Before They Grow Too Big.

When my brother started crawling, nobody was happier than I. Of course, that had all been before he took up residence in my den. Suddenly, nothing two feet from the floor was safe from his tiny, sticky hands.

I tried keeping him barricaded in the middle of the room with obstacles he couldn’t climb. In time, he learned to crawl around them. Things came to a head when he managed to burrow his way under my study table. The seat of my throne, the King’s Landing to my seven kingdoms.

All attempts to drag him out from under there were met with loud wails and hysterical sobs that brought an immediate response from my mother. I had arrived at a deadlock. Force would only give temporary respite. I might get my room back, but for how long? The Khaleesi would not let her youngest’s wails go unheard. Once she intervened, the decision was no longer in my hands.

I summoned a meeting of the elders. My two sisters had also been given a separate room, and my actions would undoubtedly affect them, too. So, it was only fair that I discussed the current dilemma with them.

Get to the Root of the Issue.

The two sat impassively as I presented my case. The study area was sacrosanct, and if I let my brother enter it, I would be setting precedents with disastrous consequences. Pretty soon, he’d be roaming all over the place.

So? They inquired.

But that must never happen.

Why?

I own the room, and he should limit himself to the crib! I bellowed.

Own?!

Fine, I share it with him, I huffed.

And?

I mumbled that our parents trusted us, and we were both equal parties to that trust.

Is the room yours? *This was getting annoying.*

No, but I’m the majority by size, and I can’t give in to the whims of a smaller party. That would show me as a weakling, I sputtered. He’s a mummy-daddy weakling! I earned this room!

Also Read : How to Raise Your Parents 101

As Soon as You Exercise Power, it Ceases to Exist.

And a show of strength against this mummy-daddy baby will prove your strength? They asked. What’s the worst you can do? Lock him in his crib? Once he has endured your worst, do you think you will ever be able to use it again without Mother finding out? And how much longer will you be able to hold sway over the room after that?

On the other hand, what if you let him roam around? He tears your posters? Stick them a bit higher where he can’t reach. Let him crawl wherever he wants to; how long do you think he will stay there? What’s the worst that can happen? He can’t possibly take over the room. Most probably, he will grow tired and bored. You will still have the aura of being bigger without showing your superiority, and he will continue to look up to you for guidance and support.

On the other hand, if you choose to show him who’s boss, Mother will have no choice but to interfere. She will take away your privileges and you will have wasted, in a moment of arrogance and high-handedness, our years of obedience and diligence, which led us to our freedom.

It was an eloquent response, influenced no doubt by recall bias. I had to agree, the sisters were right. But, I wasn’t ready to cave in yet.

He will always be a mama’s boy, won’t he? Calling for her help to get his way.

Weren’t we all, at one stage or another? They smiled.

Yeah, but not anymore. This is just mother’s way of keeping us in check. My tongue was running ahead of my mind now.

And that’s bad because?

Because I’m too old to take directions and instructions anymore! It’s my room; I’ll do what I want. I can’t let my mother question me every time he complains to her! I was losing the argument; I could feel the balance shifting.

My elder sister stood up, grabbed my younger sister’s finger, sighed, and said, do what you will, but know this: I will not be a part of this; it will define who you are for the rest of your life. You will not have gained anything, and your strength will forever be exposed.

With that, the two walked off into the sunset of their room.

Power Grows by Sharing, not Hoarding.

Over time, I learned to ignore the odd torn book or spilled milk. To say I was happy would be an understatement; I was pleased with the status quo before the onset of the crawling. But now, I realize that change cannot be stopped. You have to roll with the punches and hope to remain standing at the end of it all.

That is strength.

I never again had a problem with my brother, who, over time, became my greatest supporter and defender.